Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
