Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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