He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
