I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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