so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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