turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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