All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
