im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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