You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
