in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
