I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
