operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How's work?
Spinning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
