Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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