Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
