my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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