remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
