are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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