it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
