Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
