Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
