you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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