This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
