there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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