u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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