It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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