I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
