i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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