That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
