She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
