Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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