love makes seman taste better
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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