It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize