i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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