I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She bit a glass in half.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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