This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
