i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
