it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
