You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
