i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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