Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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