My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
