i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
