My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize