the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
