My sheets look like a crime scene.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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