Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
