I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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