So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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