can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
