yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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