direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
