Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dear god my vagina.
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