i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
