He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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