he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You took a bar mat shot.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
