She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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