Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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