He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize