what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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