White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
