i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize