so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
