Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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