You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
should my penis look like a turkey
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
