Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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